Where I Am Now

My life has taken a complete 180° turn from where it was at the beginning of this year. I have pretty much fallen off the planet away from anyone, I know and love, which I hate, but everything else about where I am at this point in my life has brought me the most peace I’ve ever had.

At the beginning of this year I was searching, searching for my place in this world.  I knew what my dreams were, but I’ve always felt now was not the right time to pursue them.  I was praying for direction to find the place I would make the most impact and help change lives.  By July of this year I had already had 3 different jobs.  Some of which I enjoyed, but never felt was where I was supposed to be long-term.

I’ve been an athlete my whole life.  My world pretty much revolved around sports and my teams.  I knew my only way of getting to college was on a scholarship and I worked really hard to do just that.  As soon as I graduated high school, while I was playing in college, I began coaching.  I have been coaching for 10 years now, and this is my 14th season of coaching a team.  Over the years, I began resenting coaching and my sport.  I played and coach at a very competitive level and I found myself time and time again having to miss major life events because of my commitment.  It slowly wore on me and eventually it became a trap that I couldn’t escape.  I knew I was gifted at it, but I wanted out, and wanted to do more with my life.  It became a drug to me, it wasn’t healthy, but I was addicted to it, with no way out.

I graduated from college and took a break from playing while continuing to coach.  I coached on top of having full-time jobs and seeking the job that was just right for me.  I enjoyed corporate America and having a job for me always seemed to put me in a healthier state in life.  There were always a few things that were tough for me, like being away from Jack and my family so much, and of course too little vacation time, but those were things I was willing to compromise temporarily at the time.

Slowly over the last year, I have begun playing again, and healing from the resentment of my sport.  My joy in the sport has returned, and it began finding a larger place in my life again.  A few months ago, an older coach I knew passed away suddenly.  His funeral changed my life.  Prior to that I always thought coaching wasn’t enough for me.  I knew it was what everyone expected for me, and I didn’t want that.  I wanted to show them I could do something more sufficient and life changing.  That day I realized…

Coaching.  Is.  Enough.

Who cares if it is enough for everyone else, because it is enough for me, enough for the teenage girls I coach, and enough for God. His funeral had over 200 current and previous players in attendance whose lives in some way have been touched by him.  The stories of the lessons they learned from him were unlimited.  That day I knew my life would take a different route than I had planned.  The career I had been running away from, I knew, is what the Lord has had in plan for me this whole time.

Over the last few months His plan has been falling into place ever so perfectly.  My other job just faded away, and at the perfect time I was offered the perfect job, I never knew I needed.  I now get to handle the business side of what I love the most, coaching.  I work from home a couple of days a week, I work in the same location as Jack, I work with my family, and I have unlimited vacation time 🙂

A few months before taking this opportunity I began noticing all of the things I was willing to compromise in the past were the things that were truly the most important to me. I was missing my niece and nephews grow up, because I was stuck in the office all the time. I rarely saw my family, and had no time to be spontaneous. Now, my nieces and nephews play in the lobby of my office every day I’m at work, and at the end of every workday I get to look forward to Jack showing up to do his in the same place.

With all that being said, it is perfect for me, but it is consuming.  I am working more than I ever have in the past, and have completely abandoned my friends and Jack.  I have completely coped with exhaustion and having no social life.  I am in such a good place with myself, but Jack and my friends, are my whole world.  I need them. I know it won’t be this way forever, as this is a really busy time, and will calm down in a couple of weeks, but its been tough. Last week Jack told me he was slightly resenting the job already because it has consumed my whole world already and I’ve been there less than 2 months.  We have both had a couple of days off since then and now we have a relationship again, so we are back on a good track.

For now, I can survive, but if it doesn’t slow down is having the perfect job worth sacrificing having time for the two most important things in my life?

2017-08-11T16:55:16+00:00 November 3rd, 2011|family, friends, God, Husband, life changing, Me, work|

About the Author:

Writing has always allowed me to be able to communicate better what I am truly feeling not only with others but mainly with myself. It allows me to look inside my heart, figure things out, and help me be who I really want to be.