I have always been a very independent girl, until I got married. I was the girl, on the side of the road, changing her own flat tire. That was something Dad taught me. I never found my identity in anything other than exactly who I was. That slowly began to diminish after I married Jack. I no longer had to change my own tire. I could call him to do it. I lost sight of how to be independent and married at the same time. I also started finding my identity and my happiness in our marriage, instead of in who I am, and who Christ is in ME.
I recently traveled alone, which brought me back to reflecting on my trip to NYC I took years ago, as it brought so much to the surface for me. I found myself in that city, being the old independent version of myself. When I came home, I continued to be that girl for awhile. I began being more spontaneous, having more sex, in fact, having better sex, dancing and singing. This version of myself always surfaces after I travel alone.
Dancing…I always need to do more dancing.
A good friend of mine recently decided to walk away from everything she made a covenant too. She is CHOOSING to walk away from her husband, and into the arms of another. She is CHOOSING to hurt her two baby girls, instead of sticking to it, working through it, and CHOOSING to NEVER leave.
I spent a lot of time this past weekend thinking about her choices. There is nothing wrong with feeling trapped in the life you chose. I think it’s only natural to feel that way after awhile. In fact, the monotony of life always seems to trap me in this mode, until I travel. Then I break free and am reminded of the daily joys I have been given. I have chosen this life, and it’s a very very good one. I don’t have a lot of money, but I don’t need it. I am RICH in what I have in love, relationships, and in Christ.
I CHOOSE this life.
There’s more fulfillment to this life than going through the motions. I need to relish in the adventurous, less cautious version of myself and walk through every day of my life with her. I need to remember the best version of myself comes when I am pouring into others and trying to change lives for eternity.
ETERNITY…that, is what matters.