I avoid intimacy, to avoid the pain. But music, can break me.
Music breaks through my walls every time. I feel it deep in my soul. It’s my hiding place, deep within my own thoughts, where no one else can hear. It’s pierces so deep, that it gets to my roots and shines lights on the true emotions I’m avoiding or too busy to feel and forces me to process them.
I engross myself in the song, like reading a book, and I live in every moment of it. I feel every beat, and every thought sung in the lyrics. I find myself daydreaming in the music as if I wrote every word.
Music can take me so high, but it can also take me so very low. I tend to be a music masochist. I can live for days in painful music, in fact, I prefer it. I tend to like how it makes me feel. I guess you could call me a music cutter, and trust me, I know how screwed up that is.
It does also bring me so much joy. Music makes me feel alive, it makes me dance, and helps me process some of my purest happiness. It gets me more in touch with the Lord, takes me into His presence and fills me with the Spirit. It’s how He speaks to me.
Music, good or bad, breaks me every time.