We have been through a good amount of trials in our 9 years of marriage, but the last 2 have by far, been the toughest. While I was pregnant with my son, my husband opened his own business. He had been running it for awhile and been extremely successful so he decided to pursue his dream and open a place for it to operate. He was doomed from the start. The details are irrelevant, but over the course of the next year our lives came spiraling down around us.
During my sons first year of life, we closed a business, prayed daily we were not going to be sued, lost a car, temporarily lost my family, almost lost my home, and practically lost my husband. I remember days where our power got shut off, and not a dime in the bank to turn it back on.
That year was simply just survival. On top of the major financial stress, I had to defend him to my death. I stood alone, by his side, going to bat for him and his decisions. He underwent constant judgement and scrutiny over not only his decision making, but also his character.
Decision making? Maybe. But his character. That is not something you can criticize about him. He is honorable, respectable, and always self-sacrificing.
Part of him died that year, but part of us died too.
Over the next year, I began processing what we went through. A trauma, practically a death and our marriage was upside down. I felt like I didn’t even know the man I was married too anymore. I was in a really dark place, and right after he finally broke free from his.
I spent the entire second year learning who my husband was again. Learning to trust him again, learning to love him again, and most importantly learning who he is in Christ.
But, I learned it and I also learned to trust Christ in an entirely different way than I have had too in the past. Every day I was thankful to just put one foot in front of the other, and every month we didn’t lose our house was a gift. We came out so much stronger than we went in. We dove into our friends head first and they walked through every step with us.
And that year, a new, more beautiful version of us was born.
I don’t look at marriage like a fairy tale anymore. I know it takes nurturing, and constant work. If you stop working for one second, it can go wrong. I’ve also learned you can’t walk through your struggles alone.
We will always have our issues, as does every marriage, but we won’t let those issues break us. It seems there are marriages crashing down all around us right now. Making us dive in deep and get to the root of all those lingering things. It’s not always rosy but ultimately, I know I want him. I want him now, and I want him forever.
No issue will ever be greater than that.