All throughout college I had an off and on relationship that was heading towards marriage. After 3 years, it ended abruptly, followed by a phone call by his mother, telling me he had been with someone else during our relationship. I began experiencing pain like I had never experienced, and I in no way knew how to deal with it. I chose to become a victim of being “cheated” on. It has followed me all the way through life to my marriage.
We all have our struggles and Jack has his, but he has never done anything that should have caused me to think he would stray. I find myself always assuming the worse, wanting to pry into his life to see if he is hiding something. I am constantly asking myself am I paranoid, or are my instincts telling me something is up.
I am CHOOSING now, to no longer be a victim. I should have never taken that road to begin with, unfortunately it was the only one I could figure out how to go down.
Today I realized. So what!? What’s the worst that can happen? He kisses someone, or even sleeps with someone? Who freakin’ cares! That doesn’t mean he doesn’t love me, and if he doesn’t, then we have bigger issues on our hands than him sleeping with someone. No matter what, I could survive that.
I COULD SURVIVE THAT. I used to believe I could overcome anything, and for some reason I lost that state of mind. I am choosing to live that way again. Fearlessly, feeling everything, every step of the way. I’ve always been one to fall, and fall hard, but Over time I became closed and protected. I am choosing to be open, vulnerable, and to fall hard again. This may cause me to take a little while longer to get back up, but I will get back up. If I can survive the last year of my life…
I can survive ANYTHING.