I Have To Let You Go

 

Some day she might read this. I doubt she will, but if she ever does I hope maybe she will begin to understand how much I truly loved her, wanted to help her, and how much she hurt me.

A couple of years ago I made a great friend.  It was the kind of friendship where you instantly mesh and you feel like you have been friends for a lifetime.  Spending time with her brought me so much joy.  We really understood each other even though we were in two totally different places in our lives.  We spent quite a lot of time together because of work, so we became really close, really fast.  I began to feel as though she would be a friend for life and one of the best friends there could be, and I know she felt the same.

We no longer worked together and slowly began not spending as much time together. I called, I texted, I emailed, I invited, and I offered to do none of the above but just be there if she needed someone to love her, cry with, laugh with, or just simply be.  I continually poured my heart into our friendship and slowly began realizing I was getting nothing in return.  I didn’t care though, I loved her so much I didn’t want anything in return.  I knew she just needed a friend to be there, and I was that.

Then suddenly, fire was spit.  I hurt her unintentionally and I apologized over something I didn’t even feel I did wrong.  Her friendship was more to me than that petty situation and I made that clear.  She just kept shooting fire and hurtful words as I just kept apologizing.  I truly felt sorry….and sick.

The next two days I was consumed by our conversation.  I kept thinking I was going to get an apology, but there was nothing.  I thought I would let it cool down for a bit and then respond and let her know how she made me feel.  I was angry.  Angry she was mad over something so ridiculous, angry she was so mean, angry she ruined my vacation, and angry that I cared so much about someone who obviously did not care back.

I came home from my vacation and I realized the last year of our relationship had been nothing but her hurting me, nothing but her letting me down. It was time for me to let her go.  I can’t help her.  I can’t fix her.  I want to.  I will always want to.  I will always love her, but I don’t deserve to be treated like that…by anyone.  I have a huge heart and I am not going to let you break it anymore.  I will always want to be your friend, and I will always look back at our memories with a huge smile. I will miss you, and I will miss your family, and I am sorry that I can’t be there anymore.

I love you friend.

About the Author:

Writing has always allowed me to be able to communicate better what I am truly feeling not only with others but mainly with myself. It allows me to look inside my heart, figure things out, and help me be who I really want to be.