Some day she might read this. I doubt she will, but if she ever does I hope maybe she will begin to understand how much I truly loved her, wanted to help her, and how much she hurt me.
A couple of years ago I made a great friend. It was the kind of friendship where you instantly mesh and you feel like you have been friends for a lifetime. Spending time with her brought me so much joy. We really understood each other even though we were in two totally different places in our lives. We spent quite a lot of time together because of work, so we became really close, really fast. I began to feel as though she would be a friend for life and one of the best friends there could be, and I know she felt the same.
We no longer worked together and slowly began not spending as much time together. I called, I texted, I emailed, I invited, and I offered to do none of the above but just be there if she needed someone to love her, cry with, laugh with, or just simply be. I continually poured my heart into our friendship and slowly began realizing I was getting nothing in return. I didn’t care though, I loved her so much I didn’t want anything in return. I knew she just needed a friend to be there, and I was that.
Then suddenly, fire was spit. I hurt her unintentionally and I apologized over something I didn’t even feel I did wrong. Her friendship was more to me than that petty situation and I made that clear. She just kept shooting fire and hurtful words as I just kept apologizing. I truly felt sorry….and sick.
The next two days I was consumed by our conversation. I kept thinking I was going to get an apology, but there was nothing. I thought I would let it cool down for a bit and then respond and let her know how she made me feel. I was angry. Angry she was mad over something so ridiculous, angry she was so mean, angry she ruined my vacation, and angry that I cared so much about someone who obviously did not care back.
I came home from my vacation and I realized the last year of our relationship had been nothing but her hurting me, nothing but her letting me down. It was time for me to let her go. I can’t help her. I can’t fix her. I want to. I will always want to. I will always love her, but I don’t deserve to be treated like that…by anyone. I have a huge heart and I am not going to let you break it anymore. I will always want to be your friend, and I will always look back at our memories with a huge smile. I will miss you, and I will miss your family, and I am sorry that I can’t be there anymore.
I love you friend.