Turns out, I have this crazy talent for feeling when I get pregnant almost as quickly as the moment of conception. I’ve now been pregnant 3 times and two of the three times, I knew two days after conception that I was pregnant. People think I’m crazy when I say “I think I’m pregnant. We only had sex two days ago, but I know I’m pregnant.” No way! That’s not possible. Well turns out, it is.
I was 3 weeks pregnant, but yesterday I started miscarrying. I knew in my gut I was pregnant, but no tests were showing positive. I also knew in my gut yesterday I was having a miscarriage despite the Dr. telling me I wasn’t. Today she called back and said, “You are in fact pregnant.”
I love how every time I walk through something unpredictable the Lord teaches me more and more about His relationship with me. Last week my best friend said to me, “How does your life always go as planned?! I’m not saying you don’t have struggles and it’s never difficult, but it’s like you can plan it perfectly.” I found myself reflecting on that statement a lot over the past week and was thinking, strangely she is right. How is that?!
I do not plan it. God does. He plans every step, every milestone, every failure, every success, and every joyous moment. Last night I had a revelation. He has always planned it, but it’s like He drops me subtle hints along the way.
6 months before my Dad died. The Lord prompted me in realizing my parents will not be around forever and I need to soak up every moment I have with them. I began to live every experience with them as it was my last. That allowed me to look back after his death and have no regrets and no unspoken words.
We knew we want to begin to trying to have another baby this Fall, but something was pushing me start earlier. I wasn’t ready, yet I knew I needed to start trying before our original “decision date” per say. It’s as though I knew in my spirit I was going to have a miscarriage and knew we needed to start trying sooner than later. I knew it was coming, and I was prepared.
For those who don’t know me I’m sure this seems so difficult to grasp, but for those that know me intimately, it makes so much sense.
That is how the Lord speaks to me. That is what our relationship looks like. It’s like He knows I do so much better with a plan and he gives me subtle hints and warnings along the way to help prepare me.